Catholic Church announces new sins

In a hail mary attempt to disconnect with the youth of today, the Pope has announced 7 new "social sins", which will allow the Future of America™ to rebel in modern ways like using birth control or littering. No longer is being lazy enough to fully earn God's ire, one now needs engineer massive socio-economic changes like creating poverty. The full list of the 7 nu-sins follows:

† "Bioethical" violations such as birth control
† "Morally dubious" experiments such as stem cell research
† Drug Abuse
† Polluting the environment
† Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor
† Excessive wealth
† Creating Poverty

For those attempting to check off all the items their unholy bucket list, here are the O.G. 7 Deadly Sins:

† Pride
† Envy
† Gluttony
† Lust
† Anger
† Greed
† Sloth

Hurry, hurry! Last one to the great white thone of judgement is a rotten egg who won't get punished for sin after the general ressurection and last judgement!

Breaking: Drinks have calories, too!

Transfat, calories, sugar, and everything else in the world is bad for you. This has been established. Until today, we have known only of fast food restaurants as the harbingers of a delicious but fattening demise.

The NY State Health Department is requiring chain resturants with more than 15 locations to list the calorie contents of sundry libations. Oh nose! What will we do?

Thankfully, Big Grub will protect us from our own ignorance:

The New York State Restaurant Association has filed suit against the Health Department.

"We believe this regulation is unconstitutional, will confuse consumers, and will not achieve its intended purpose," said Amy Freshwater, a spokeswoman for Carlson Restaurants Worldwide, the parent company of T.G.I. Friday's.

To be honest, the scientific manner in which these nutrition facts are displayed can be a little daunting. What's a calorie? And why are there approx. 500 in a Chocolate Martini? This type of jargon can be impenetrable to the average eater's eye.

Source: NY Post