Former Kid Nation participant takes action

Trouble is brewing in sorta-fake ghost town Bonanza City, home to the 40 pre-pubescent pioneers who participated in child-exploitation reality series, Kid Nation. The one-hour CBS show, which never really lived up to potential but was still sort of awesome. We already knew that Bonanza was more than $20,000 gold stars and root beer floats, but now a former contestant who was injured during taping is suing the "town council" of the Columbia Broadcasting System for anywhere between 300-450 gold stars. The stupidly-named Vulture Blog has a round-up of known injuries:

• Four pioneers accidentally drank bleach from an unmarked soda bottle
• 11-year-old Divad who burned her face on a stove but said she was fine afterwards

Our money is on jew crew member, entrepreneur, Shakespearean actor, pimp of KN, and future of America™, Jared.

Catholic Church announces new sins

In a hail mary attempt to disconnect with the youth of today, the Pope has announced 7 new "social sins", which will allow the Future of America™ to rebel in modern ways like using birth control or littering. No longer is being lazy enough to fully earn God's ire, one now needs engineer massive socio-economic changes like creating poverty. The full list of the 7 nu-sins follows:

† "Bioethical" violations such as birth control
† "Morally dubious" experiments such as stem cell research
† Drug Abuse
† Polluting the environment
† Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor
† Excessive wealth
† Creating Poverty

For those attempting to check off all the items their unholy bucket list, here are the O.G. 7 Deadly Sins:

† Pride
† Envy
† Gluttony
† Lust
† Anger
† Greed
† Sloth

Hurry, hurry! Last one to the great white thone of judgement is a rotten egg who won't get punished for sin after the general ressurection and last judgement!

Nas is in talks to play Kool G. Rap

The recently announced Juice Crew biopic, Vapors, may be getting Queensbridge native, Nas to play the legendary Kool G. Rap, Wooohah reports. There are a bunch of huge names already attached: Clifton Powell as Mr. Magic; Keke Palmer as Roxanne Shante; and Evan Ross as MC Shan. It has been erroneously reported by many hip-hop news sources that Cuba Gooding Jr. is playing Marley Marl and David Banner as Biz Markie. Who would you like to see attempting to fill the kicks of the two legendary MCs? And how about KRS-one?

Oh, by the way...wanna be in the new Notorious B.I.G. flick?

The best advice comes from Rats

We've had enough of know-it-all advice column hacks who freely dispense worthless tips with no regard for accuracy, clarity, or usefulness. That's why we've been digging the new column Ask Rats! Ask Rats is written by Jayson Musson aka PackOfRats from Philly nigga-wizard-rap quartet Plastic Little, the author of Too Black for B.E.T., (infrequent) blogger, and all-around good guy. Here's how Mr. Rats fielded a recent query from a chap who couldn't keep up with his girl's astoundingly high sex drive:

"I have to say that any girlfriend that wants to fuck all day and let the used condoms and take-out containers pile up around you while you two conduct your cycle of fucking, eating, sleeping, fucking, eating, and sleeping again, is some marrying material."

And here's how the Black Like Me author responded to a reader who was not sure how to handle jealousy brought on by her husband keeping in touch with former lovers:

"Your husband, who I might say, sounds like quite the shrewd individual, is probably just preparing for the inevitable and I advise you to do the same or you'll end up spending your lonely, post-marriage single days watching Law and Order with a Sybian you've sadly decided to name 'Henry.'"

We think you'll dig the rest. Keep up with Jay at Philly's two.one.five mag.