Quarterlife 2.0: 5 Other Failed Net Shows

Here's a shocker - a show that started on the Internet and went to the National Broadcasting Corporation, Quarterlife has failed. The hour-long drama which originated on MySpace is about twenty-somethings "coming of age in the digital age"(current!). But it wasn't all winky-emoticons and banana splits for the creators of cancelled young-folk shows like My So-Called Life and Thirtysomething, as Quarterlife failed to hit with its target demo(or any demo!), who they undoubtedly expected to put down their computers long enough to watch something on some outdated device of yesteryear. Surely, this relatable and hip concept would result in tens, maybe elevens, or 18-24 year olds twittering "brb watching quarterlife". Unfortunately the net-centric series garnered NBC the worst ratings for the time-slot in twenty years.

Sadly, the world just isn't read for the marriage of Television and Internet, and might not be for quite some time. We have an exclusive look at 5 other web originals that weren't able to make the jump from the small screen to the slightly-larger screen:

5. Kitchen Beat Box

Pitch: Rachel Ray meets Rakim
Reason Network Execs Passed: "Too ethnic.", "dicey", "not friendly to deaf viewers"

4. Lasagna Cat

Pitch: A sitcom version of the "popular" and "humorous" Jim Davis comic strip, "Garfield". While passed on, a Heathcliff-based take-off is currently being shot on spec for My9.
Reason Network Execs Passed: "Too catty", licensing issues, "intellectually challenging"

3. Leave Chris Crocker Alone/The Chris Crocker Experience

Pitch: Chris Crocker, "famous" for crying about Britney Spears and...crying about Britney Spears stars in this morning chat show, in which he takes celebrities of ill repute under his wing and defends them from the meanie public.
Reason Network Execs Passed: "Too 'gay'", alleged ego and diva-like behavior of namesake

2. Who's Fucking Who?

Pitch: Days of Our Lives for the Internet generation. In each episode, a new set of celebrity fornicators would be revealed.
Reason Network Execs Passed: "Too expensive", "racy"

1. 2 Girls 1 Cup
[Video removed to spare those of you with real jobs, "taste"]
Pitch: Hey, they said "lemon party" on 30 Rock, it's only a matter of time!
Reason Network Execs Passed: "Characters aren't likeable enough", "not enough merchandising opportunities", "there's already enough shit on Fox"

Nasty breakfast food comes in all shapes and sizes

When I was a wee lad suffering from ugly duckling syndrome, my mother always told me that each vile morning snack was special in it's own each way. I'm not sure why this was supposed to be reassuring, but it sure did help! Here is a self-esteem boost for all you breakfast bombshells out there.

Good news for brunchers who prefer freezerburn to lox: Kraft Foods has announced plans to released a bagel pre-filled with cream cheese. Delish, right!? But wait, there's more - these doughy delights, named Bagel-fuls (blech), which are sure to be hard as a rock come in not one, but TWO tantalizing flavors: regular OR cinnamon! Sold!

The campaign to stop the extinction of those actually-not-that-bad breakfast sandwiches that Starbucks serves all day long is not going so well. Sure, they looked really nasty in the display and were sort of stale and funky, but is that really any reason to discontinue them? Join the movement now, you can be the 40th sangwich soldier in this ill-attended revolution!

Reader Survey: How do you hide your boner?

The SomethingAwful forums are widely known to be a hotbed of internet activity. In this case, the definition of activity includes socially inept behavior, public spectacle, and um..

On second thought, we'll let this recent forum post speak for itself:

Recently I found I was not the only one.

Long ago, when I would be making out with a lady, I would get a boner, and for whatever reason, I thought she might be upset about that (I don't know why). So when we were finished with kissing, I would have to leave the room "clever" so she woudlent see it.

What I would do was crawl away on all fours pretending to be a cat. I would even go as far as saying "meow" as I crawled around the corner to fix myself before I went upstairs.....

Another friend of mine apparently use to pretend he was a monkey while jumped around until he was clear out of the room.

Anyone else?

We know one of you has a story of how you hide that horribly emasculating piece of your anatomy commonly known as a boner. Which one of God's beautiful creatures do you find to be the most representative of your penis-related shame?

Source: Did you hide your boner?