Dr. Dre to release super-premium Cognac, sparkling vodka

Former N.W.A. member, award-winning DJ and producer, Aftermath Entertainment CEO, and 1/4th of a fictional famous landmark, Dr. Dre, has announced a way to fill the void left by still not finishing his highly-anticipated solo album, Detox. He's going to get into the luxury beverage market!

Dre will be teaming with Drinks America, who make fine libations like Trump Vodka (created by a failure with fine golden locks who hasn't tasted it), Willie Nelson's Old Whiskey River Bourbon, and Rheingold Beer. In addition to Drinks America's portfolio of failures there is the overwhelmingly delicious Newman's Own line of lightly sparkling juices.

Dre's first releases will be a "super-premium Cognac" and a "special sparkling vodka beverage". No word if Dre is aware that there already is a special sparkling vodka beverage, known to most as Ketel & Club Soda.

Dre is not the first rapper to get involved in the beverage game. Previous and current failures include: Damon Dash's Armadale Vodka, Jay-Z's Cognac, Lil Jon's Crunk Energy Drink, Dipset's (and now M.O.P's) Sizzurp Purple Punch Liqueur.

This does, however, beg us to ask: which rapper-branded rotgut would you like to see next?

50 Cent's Bub Sparkling Wine
T-Pain's Drank
Nelly's Pimp Juice
Big Boi's Kryptonite
Ether by Nas
Soulja Boy Tell'em Berry Coolers

Please note, the first person to suggest Snoop Dogg's Gin & Juice in the comments will be swiftly banned.

Breaking: Moz is a douche of epic proportions

In what will surely come as a surprise to, well, no one, whiny British crybaby Morrissey is apparently quite difficult to get on with. A piece published in today's Times Online, a UK paper discusses the very high standards a member of the former Smiths singer must live up to. Former assistant tour manager Andrew Winters reveals "shocking" details of the singer's mandatory vegans-only rule, strict dress code, choice of drinking games, and olfactory necessities:

I am told that if I am accepted, then it will be the most unusual gig I will ever experience. ...

...I get the sense if I am caught even visibly acknowledging the existence of a McDonald’s - instant sacking. I politely ask what the view is on fish. Seafood is sea life, I am informed, the same rule applies....

... The production carries “sound-check suits”. I am informed that the band are considered “ambassadors” of the Morrissey tour and are therefore expected to be dressed in these suits for all soundchecks, all collective flights, all dinners and functions that may possibly include Morrissey – and it’s my responsibility to make sure that they are wearing them....

... During the soundcheck I am to “fragrance spray” between the front row and front of house and am informed that Morrissey’s PA will provide me with the fragrance of the day “if required”....

...Be careful, Andrew,” someone warns me. “Moz hates people who are boring . . . but then, he also hates people being too pushy around him. Establishing common ground quickly is important.”...

... Morrissey looks at me with what seems like a slight smirk and shakes my hand. “Don’t worry, Andrew, it can only get better than this,” he says – and then proceeds to grab his guitarist and rub his fingers through his hair....

... While this is going on everyone is drinking. Morrissey instructs his PA to order him a large vodka concoction...A drinking game ensues, where one of the musicians is encouraged to knock back his pint to a chorus of “Down in one, down in one, down in one,” a chant to which Morrissey himself adds flamenco claps, skipping in front of his employee. He immediately beckons for another pint for the same musician and the process is repeated....

Not only this, but apparently admiration of either Henry Rollins or Elton John do not bode well! But was Moz's vacant promise regarding things getting better ultimately true? Depends who you ask, as Mr. Winters got the boot on the second day of rehearsals.